Here is a little story that happened many moons ago….many, many moons ago.
I was 13 years old and living on a military base, we were stationed on Anderson AFB on the tiny island of Guam. Which by the way I hated and I do not recommend anyone go there to visit, but that is a separate subject.
As a military brat, living on the security of a military base, I rode my bike pretty much anywhere on the base, as long as it wasn’t a restricted area. One sunny hot afternoon I went for a bike ride with a boy that I had a little crush on. Looking back I have no clue why, he had a rat tail and wore those “Hammer Pants” with a tank top. I know, makes not sense to me either, so glad my taste improved.
Ok back to the story. Guam has a lot of steep hills and cliffs, so you can get a workout riding your bike. I am chilling trying to act cool because you know I have a crush this boy and then he proposes that we go to this one particular hill on the base. He says it is really cool. I was down with that. Although I had no idea what I was getting myself into or what was about to occur.
We ride our bikes over to this “hill” that is at least a mile away from my home. This wasn’t just a “hill”, it was a really steep freaking hill and to top it off there was a round-about at the bottom with grass in the middle, looked like a doughnut. He explains to me that the goal is to ride down the hill and pick up enough speed to see how many times you can go around the round-about. I look up into the sky at this hill and only because I had the retarded crush on this boy I agreed to ride down the hill. Mind you my 13 year old brain did not bother to take into account my crappy 10-speed with the crappy brakes.
We walk up the hill pushing our bikes, because it is so stinking steep you can’t ride the up. Rat Tail Boy goes first, down the hill on his BMX bike and successfully goes around the round-about at least 2 times. There I am standing at the top of the hill with my rat tail crush at the bottom looking up at me…..way up at me. I take a deep breath and send myself careening down the hill. My little legs couldn’t even keep up the my peddles, the wind is blowing in my face, I am thinking HOLY CRAP I AM GOING TO DIE, I hit the brakes….they don’t work!
I am at the round-about….I am trying to turn….I see 2 palm trees…I’m not going to make it…. aim between the palm trees……SMACK! I open my eyes and I am laying on the ground. There is Rat Tail Boy and 3 women looking down at me, Rat Tail Boy has a smirk on his face. Everyone asks if I am ok and help me to my feet. I look at my turquoise 10-speed and it is all bent, practically wrapped around the tree. The ladies, who are obviously moms, keep asking me if I am ok and if I need them to call anyone. Apparently I was in some shock because I felt fine and told them not to worry. They offered me a ride home but I said it wasn’t necessary that I would walk home. I had to leave my bike though because I couldn’t get the wheels to turn.
I walk the mile home with Rat Tail Boy. He asked me if I am ok, while at the same time I spit blood on to the grass. Lovely.
I finally get home and walk in the door. My mother saw my face and freaked! She tells me that my face was totally swollen, I was pale and my eyes where glazed over. My kid sister smirked in the background. Mom rushed to the phone to call my father but he had left work early and this was before the era of cell phones. How old am I that I can say that! Anyway, Mom then decides to call for an ambulance. Seriously, this couldn’t get any better.
As the ambulance is pulling in, my father is right behind it, freaking and wondering what happened. They load me into the ambulance and take me to the Naval hospital. I thinking what is the big deal I feel fine. At this point I had yet to see myself in a mirror. Finally I get to the hospital and the pain hits me hard. They give me some horse pill Motrin and wheel me into a room to wait for the oral surgeon.
A very handsome ordaly comes in to take some of my info. He asks when was my last BM. I was like, “huh?” He says “bowl movement.” Again, I say “Huh?” Remember I am 13. My mother then chimes in and says “When was the last time you pooped?” I COULD HAVE DIED!
The result of the bike ride with Rat Tail Boy was a dislocated jaw that was broken into 3 pieces, a cut inside of my cheek because of my braces and lots of bruises. The doctor said if I hadn’t had braces I probably would have knocked out several of my teeth.
The “cure” for this ordeal was oral surgery and my jaw wired shut for a month. I was sucking my food through a straw while the rest of my family ate pizza and burgers. Watery cream of wheat was my friend during that month.
Oh and that boy that I had a crush on….you know the one with the rat tail. When I got out of the hospital I found out he was “going steady” with the over developed, home schooled girl that lived down the street. Just as well!